Now, you have to understand that even though my daughter threatens to kill me and bury me in a deep, deep hole in the backyard, she does love me. She doesn't generally say it in so many words, preferring to show her love by headbutting me in the groin or by jumping on me when I'm laying on the couch and kneeing me in the groin or, when she's feeling especially affectionate, just letting loose with an Ivan Drago cockpunch right in my groin. Her methods of demonstrating her love are many and varied, so when she told me a few weeks back that "Daddy, I don't want to lose you," and didn't punctuate this statement with a shoe thrown to the groin, I figured it was time to start taking my health a little more seriously.
